2012.

has been a year of change. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. But definitely a big impact.

#1: moving out ain't as much fun as it sounds.
     I'm not usually the kind of family person, but I miss family (a lot) They're not very far away but it's different.. Independence sucks sometimes.

#2: house-sharing.
       teaches you a lot of patience and consideration. And a whole lot of "learning to let things go just so  that the house is in peace. Also makes you take on a lot of responsibility.

#3: working full-time. (often over 40-50 hours)
   and not in a field that I liked to be - but in a field that I am good at and used to. (routine is hard to break) I am earning about $700-900 a week but money ain't what matters most.

#4: my love.
     is probably the best thing in my life right now. I can't imagine being with anyone else. i learn that the ability to hold a conversation with someone is very important. something I am grateful for. :)

#5: photography
      is something I love to do but haven't had time doing. I'm struggling between the balance of money and joy/contentment. Responsibility means the need for money. I think I'm starting to learn that I need to take risks - and not be afraid to fail...  I'm hoping travel/America will help me be more independent and less afraid of failure. I'm scared but fear is something I have to get over.

Climb a wall and get over it. It's the only way to know/feel what is on the other side rather than always wondering if the grass is greener.

#6: learning to drive (about time really)
      is easier than I expected. I knew I would love driving but I get so distracted by sights and scenes..  (and pretty lights)

#7: future.
      is something I don't know where I will be going. Some days I want to disappear but now I'm starting to realize that connections/people you know years and years are the key to success... (in the photography field)

#8: people.
     i need to be more open with people/strangers. I miss that feeling of "greatness" or the anticipation of something great and lifechanging about to happen. I wonder about everyone I had met- and promises I made and not yet fulfill.. There so much for me to do before I leave this country.

---
short reminder to do list. (2.5 MONTHS to complete everything)
1. Meet Lee (print photos)
2. Send video to Lulu/Jason
3. Send Anthology books to Neil/teachers.
4. Make Grandma's book.
5. Have a proper website *functioning well and a facebook page *
6. Future plans/projects...

71.

life is a little strange at the moment. a month into 2012 and i'm feeling a bit at loss. I think it's because i need some sort of structure and at the moment this structure does not exist. Working 3 jobs and 30-40 hours a week is tough/boring.

I'm struggling to define myself without photography. I'm not sure where I'm meant to be or who I am.

:(

70. it's lonely down under.

2012.

an obligatory post, i suppose. 9 days into the new year and it's looking a bit strange. it's going to be a very unpredictable year - a very challenging year. and it will be a year that I'll make so many mistakes and take so many more risks and it will be a year of many many failures and hopefully some success... It will be a year for even greater growth.

it's been 9 days and somehow it feels that a month has passed by. Working countless hours 12 hour shifts 3 different jobs - haven't had much time to contemplate....

my lover is with me down under and i'm thankful for what he brings into my life. i wish we were more settled into ours but soon.

i've come to a realisation i don't like my own life so I live others using photography as my excuse, my reason but really it's all an escape...

-

it's a never ending list of doubts and uncertainty.