Thursday, January 31, 2013


How funny that I disappear from blogs / life last year and I'm back again this year.

2013 started with a BANG! I was in Brunei, my childhood for the first 10 days.
Then I arrive here in Kota Kinabalu,  my birth place for 3 weeks.

Its a blur.
4 weeks into 2013.

I'm feeling a sense of shame and sadness.
I'm battling myself in my head because I feel I've let myself down.
I'm not ready to be an open book but yet, I need to be.
I'm in that hard place.

I leave tomorrow for Melaka, another place of my younger memories.

It's strange now that I'm thinking about it.
Brunei = is a place for me.
Kota Kinabalu = is a place for dad.
Melaka = is a place for mum.

Somehow these places all blended into a big blob of confusion called me.

A lot of photographs I take now are sort of things that I want to store away in my memory... It's a whole blur of nothing significant but somehow I'm hoping in the end, it will turn into some sort of project. but ultimately it's incredibly personal. I miss challenging myself in places I don't belong yet I felt the most belonging... A sense of purpose almost.

it's come to my sense that for me to be who I want to be - I need to abandon this thinking... and this fear.

 I'm afraid of what's ahead but It is something I will have to face to grow into whatever it is I shall be.

hopefully 2013 will be a more successful year......