12. mistakes are there to teach us

i find myself incredibly burden by my thoughts, i think way too much for my own mental health, it's about friendships. when i first came over to Australia, i was going through a major time of my life: where i was so self-involved with trying to cope with this new world that i chose to avoid and ignore everyone back in brunei(unconsciously or consciously, who knows?) But i think i was going through this state of mind, where i believed that no one really truly care about the matter of my whereabouts, or the state I'm in.

which explains my disappearance for two years and a bit.

i guess i figured that if i wanted to disappear and be gone forever this would be the time. No one would care, no one would find out where i was...

the reason why i was so self involved, was because i was trying to adjust to this new world,i remember feeling so incredibly lost with nothing strong to hold grasp of. there was no clear identity of who i am, but rather the decision on who you should be.

i learn to cope by changing myself, the way i speak, the way i dress, my terminology.

but somewhere along the line, it fell apart; and this identity i set up for me wasn't really me.

this makes me so incredibly aware of being a misfit.

I don't think anyone i personally know really understands this feeling, i try not to dwell on it too much but it's one of those things that you have to deal with everyday because it is right in front of you.

i suppose i should stop thinking too much, like i said too much for my own mental health.

goodnight people,

as always,

el