36. Rewind 2010

these are the things I've achieved/done in 2010.

personal

• I am finally happy and content with where I am headed.
• I found my calling, my reason, my inspiration.
• I have loved and lost and love again.
• My relationship with my mother & family has never been closer.
• I have taken the time to listen and enjoy my grandmother's presence and her wonderful stories.
• I have met, established trust and photographed strangers I never knew would change my life forever.
• I have gain friendships in Melbourne that I can call to be true friends.
• I learned more about wine & food in my new job.
• I know now how to pitch a tent up.
• I learned how to make a cappuccino and bake brownies.
• The Little Prince

career related

• I have quit a job that was making me unhappy.
• I have worked with professional organizations such as Lighthouse Foundation & Servants in Hawthorn.
• I will be having a book published with my name on it in 2012.
• I photographed the Festival of Indonesia in Melbourne and made really great contacts for future references.
• I've learnt how to use 5x4 format (film camera)
• I regard myself as a photographer above all else - and thus, others will see me as a photographer first.
• I learn how to be given a deadline & work towards it.
• I gain another job and I have another job lined up for 2011 that is photography related.
• I have talked and shown my pictures at a professional Annual Meeting.
• Volunteered for the Australian Professional Photography Awards

travel

• I've travelled from Victoria through South Australia to the Northern Territory(Alice Springs, Katherine, Darwin) for a month in a bus
• I have seen the way a cattle station works.
• I have seen Uluru :)!
• Travelled around Victoria (Dookie - Nagambie - Yea - Eildon - Marysville)

Others

• I woke up at 5.30am for 10 days straight!
• I slept in a tent while it was cold and raining, and I have also slept in a swag while it was hot, humid and letting my body get feasted by mozzies
• I've acquired the taste of chai lattes (with honey!)
• I had an early death scare regarding my dad in January.
• My best friend & I have never been closer since I moved from Brunei.
• I have loved and lost 3 cell phones!
• We moved house and mum moved in with us.
• I have fallen sick so many times this year and I'm still recovering.
• 4 weeks without a cellphone.
• Facebook helped me find my cousin in the UK and my long lost childhood friend.
• Hard drive failure twice in a row - lost all my images.
• Harry Potter Midnight screening
• Catching up over coffee @ Auction Rooms with Jason
• I discover my grandmother has old family photographs! :)
• New camera, new lens, new flashes.
• I have earned over 10 grand and spent pretty much 10 grand.

I think... that's it so far. I can't remember anymore. I hope your 2010 has been amazing.

34. memories in words

I spent my monday afternoon sorting through my photographs. You see, my hard drive died on me so I lost everything. I had it partially recovered - a lot of my images are damaged and I've lost the originals. My folders were gone so about 14000 photographs were put in one single folder. Sorting it out, I came across pictures I took in June. This was when I decided to go with J and his family to the Northern Territory. It was possibly the worse trip of my adulthood life. It was also, however, a learning experience. I felt (i apologise for lack of better words...) shit 70% of the time.

During that 30 days, I photographed some bits, and others I did not. I learnt how to distance myself with photography. I learnt how to escape from my situation with my camera. As a photographer, your life is in your photographs. It is little moments of your life, of your world, of how you feel. The people you are closest to become your subjects. They are a recurring face in your little projects.

I remember a few moments during that trip. I was standing on the top of this magnificent rocks, I could see the entire land, it was filled with green bushy trees, red sands. The skies were a cloudy blue. It was an amazing view. Despite what was in front of me, I had the heaviest feeling in me. I felt alone, unloved, empty. I knew that I wouldn't ever be here in this exact place so I decide to photograph despite my feelings. It is not surprising that my pictures were lacking inspiration. They were instead filled with mundane emptiness.

As much as I want to forget these moments, I can't. I've photographed them, they are forever etched into my life, into my memories. I could delete them and they will be gone forever, but I know the feeling of regret. and it is the biggest bitch you will ever meet. I will always remember that day that I did not photographed, the day that completely ruined us. I don't need a photograph to remember it, it will always hurt. It's so ironic because that evening was possibly the most beautiful end. We camped by the sea We've been travelling through desert, on roads built with red sand for a while. I remember walking down towards the sea. It was breathtaking. There were these little salt fragments you could pick up and lick. It was a clear day, the skies were so blue. You could see the horizon line, those little clouds heading to the line where the water meets land. This nightmare started as the sun went down. The sky turned purple, and the softest pink with the bluest blue. The tide started to come in, the wind cut into you. It became cold but it was beautiful.

My memory of this end is clear but blurry because I lost my glasses, you took them with you and put in your pocket. We got into an argument and I remember you walking away, no. It was you running away. I couldn't find my way back to the camp. I panicked because the sun was going down, it was nearly nightfall. I couldn't see where you went, I couldn't find my way back. I sat down the cold sand and cried. Through my tears, the rock salts appear to be like broken glass, mixed with blood. You see, we were in the centre of Australia. It was red. I remember when I picked up a heap and hold them tightly, I was disappointed that it was not glass, it did not hurt, and I was not bleeding.

I remember that feeling because at that moment, death seemed like a better option than being here on this earth. This was only the beginning of that dreaded night.

el

26. lets