54.

i am a heartless bitch.

i'm about to lose the love of my life.

i can't believe the things I do - it all seems so blurry, like a dream, a nightmare.

for some reason, I am not feeling anything.

I think it's a defense I've created.

When it would hurt so bad, I don't feel.

but i know it will come in slow steps and when it does, i fall so hard into a pity hole.

it's my fault though, it is the consequence of what I did.

i wish you can find it in your heart to forgive me. and start afresh with me.

i am such a complete idiot.